Meet Pig Whitman, a humble swine with honest beginnings. He leads a life of toil and after a hard day tending his corn he likes nothing more than oinking his snout into a jar of whisky.

Question: Why is the sasquatch the king of the forest?

The jackalope is a ‘fearsome critter’ - a staple of North American folklore. The veteran loggers at logging camps would hoax newcomers with murmurings of critters such as hugags, hodags, gumberoos and jackalopes - hares with the antlers of deer. The newcomers would then go off into the woods in the hope of tracking the fabled beast. Hours later...

Others might not be happy to be described as a ‘monster’, but Daisy is very proud of their horns, their teeth, and their thick, green fur. They spend most of their time rummaging through the undergrowth, picking flowers and feasting on crunchy acorns.

This listing is for a PDF crochet pattern, available by digital download, to make a little mushroom man. FInished, he is around 14cm or 5” tall.

“Sell all you have

Satan is known by many different names around the globe. He may be known as the Devil, Lucifer, the Antichrist, Beelzebub, Belial or the Beast. He’s also been called a rascal, a rotter and even on occasion a raasclaat. With this crochet pattern, you can create your own Satan, influenced by Japanese demons, to tempt and terrorise any dolls or te...

Traditionally, hermit crabs live out their days scuttling around in a discarded snail shell, filtering through grit for scraps. If they’re lucky, they may happen upon a fisherman’s boot nestled amongst some kelp and make a home of it, munching on the surrounding seaweed. In fact, most hermit crabs dream of such a life. But not Tetley.

You are King of Frogs.

Behold the mandrake, a peculiar plant of arcane origins. Many mandrakes spend their lives in mystical servitude, being fed the milk of a cow and swaddled in a dead man’s shroud to bring magical might to their master. Others sprout at the feet of the hanged on the spot where the deceased’s essence has fertilised the soil. Any man who tries to ro...

Meet Pig Whitman, a humble swine with honest beginnings. He leads a life of toil and after a hard day tending his corn he likes nothing more than oinking his snout into a jar of whisky.

Meet Clark Jungleman, a monkey with a penchant for haute couture. Fancying himself as quite the cosmopolitan young fellow, he idles away his days drinking cocktails and riding his bicycle through the streets. He needn’t worry about money; he’s been living very comfortably since bringing in a sizeable jackpot as Snakes & Ladders Champion 1997.

The Onklid (Latin Pan Quercus) is a highly elusive primate, known for representing a one-member ecosystem. The Onklid harvests the ripe, juicy fruits that grow from its head and as such lives completely independently of all other species. Many people have tried to harvest the fruits for themselves, believing that their consumption provides infi...

Captain Thibault, world-renowned botanist, makes transcontinental journeys to collect samples of rare flowers. Travelling far and wide in his Skywhale, he goes to great lengths to gather his beloved blooming and blossoming specimens. Upon his return home, he likes nothing more than a tall gin and tonic. The Skywhale, by contrast, only drinks mi...

Deep sea divers have come a long way from their humble beginnings, where they were effectively men in barrels being submersed to recover things lost underwater, such as jewellery and treasure. Deep sea divers have since gone on to explore the bottom of the ocean and deep sea cricket is considered by many to be the national sport of Wales.

Many people fear squid due to their other-worldly anatomy and powerful tentacles. However, on the whole they’re a gentle species and just float around the depths of the ocean with grace and serenity. However, if a squid does happen to knock on your door you are advised to politely ask them to leave.

This combined listing is for the crochet patterns required to make my depressed bear (“Contemplating Amigurumicide”) and the crucified bunny (“Rabbit Crochetfixion”). You can save money by buying this listing rather than buying the patterns separately. More information on each toy is available on their individual listings.

Rabbits are rather adorable creatures who gambol freely in the meadows. However, this particular leporine individual has been found guilty of countless heinous crimes - for the most part these crimes involved stealing leggings from H&M - and is as such facing the only justifiable punishment.

“Hello, my name is… John Merrick… and I’m… very pleased… to meet you.”

This poor little bear has tragically been pushed to the edge by a lifetime of ennui. He’s roughly four or five inches tall.

This pattern is for making cute little fellas dressed up as monsters. He’s 6” tall standing, but prefers to sit down.

This is the combined listing for the patterns for Mr Bunnyford and Horace Behr.

Meet Horace Behr.

Axolotls, a kind of salamander, are not only cute but also amazing. They never leave their larval stage so retain external gills for life. They can receive “transplants” from other axolotls if they are hurt, and have even been known to heal their vital organs. Many have also achieved fame as highly talented architects - both the Space Needle in...

You can also buy this pattern along with the pattern for making Horace Behr and save some money. The combined listing is available here.

Allow me to introduce you to Horge.

Bees are the inventors of honey. Their fuzzy bodies, calm disposition and love of flowers has made them infinitely more popular than their aggressive cousin the wasp - famous for being the inventors of mustard. Although hornets claim to have invented marmalade, this is heavily disputed in the preservative industry and as such they are often ove...

Introducing Nubbins.