In the spirit of pure silliness, I present  this hat. Sample is a hat 16” in circumference. The features will be proportionately smaller on a larger hat 
SIZES:  circumference:  14, 15, 16, 17,18, 19,20,21,22  crown center to lower edge: 6, 7,8, 9”  which covers newborns to XL adults. The eye and horn are short rowed.
27 sts/38 rows/4” for standard version
18 sts/24 rows/4” for bulky version.
Most mid-gauge machines can make the bulky version.