9.22.2014 Yes, friends, the time has come to decide on this year’s ornament for the Annual Ornament Swap. (One hint, Swap-Organizer, it will NOT be a sparkly squirrel).

I haz plans, but you haz to wait until December 10th for the big finish. Why not focus on knitting that set of ghouls for Halloween while you wait?

Hmmm, zombies! Now there’s a jolly ironic ornament waiting to happen. I wonder where I left that guts-colored fingering weight?

10.20.2014 Finally, I begin. Turning to Ms. Mucklestone for an assist. Building a chart and checking it twice.

11.29.2014 Bodies? Done. Wings? Not done at all. Jingle bells? On order.

12.04.2014 Last night 2 ears fell into a glass of wine at Thursday Knit Night and I ran out of eyes. Oh my! The terrors of production knitting.

12.10.2014 I have abandoned the chart in favor of glow-in-the-dark fangs. Trust me. It’s for the best.

12.14.2014 Poem written. Boxes bought. Tissue paper at the ready. All that remains are a few buttons on wings, the wire hooks and tiny drawings to accompany the poem. Oh…and a trip to the post office.

12.15.2014 Mailed. Opened and hung with care by 11 swappers. Whew! I am so adding rum to tonight’s cocoa.

The 2014 poem by the in-house poet is below. It is a little shoutout to the numerous friends (including me) who were down-sized this year.

Happy 2014!

Overnight Delivery

I’m sure you’ve heard of Santa,
he’s the big guy with the sled.
You may have heard of Rudolph,
and the reindeer team he led.
That reindeer tale is mostly true -
there was a sleigh with toys.
And Santa still delivers them to good kids, girls and boys.

But times have changed from when the elves
made toys at the North Pole.
With Santa’s business model now, efficiency’s the goal.
Investors want big profits. This year, they prevailed upon
Old Santa to source Christmas gifts from nasty Amazon.

The reindeer’s wages took a hit, but Santa had no pity.
So the reindeer formed a union,
and then a strike committee.
“That’s the last straw,” said Santa.
“I will end this nasty fight.
I’ll find another team to pull my sleigh
through the dark night.

I’ll get some critters
who work hard and don’t behave like rats.
Some critters who can see at night…
I know! I’ll get some bats.“
No labor strife! He’s even got this cost-increase preventer:
He picks up all the gifts at Amazon’s fulfillment center.

So if on Christmas Eve you hear some squeaks
behind snow drifts,
It’s just the sound of Santa’s bats arriving with your gifts.
And these days Santa knows you’re good!
He runs the modern way:
He gets his good-kid database from friends at NSA.