I have never made a jumper for a grown-up, let alone one for myself, but something made me look at this pattern and decide to have a go. We will ignore the lessons of my knitterly history, including the infamous Tomten of Despair, and press on with hope and optimism. And when that fails, gin.

I decided to scribble some notes on the back of the pattern as I went along, to keep track of this exciting / doomed moment. I’m transcribing them into the project notes so I have a more permanent record of my very first attempt at a garment for me.

27.7.14: Did a tension square, just like a proper knitter! I wound 6 out of my 7 skeins of the Vintage and noted that 2 are very different colours. A call to the knitting helpline (aka Itsagift) received the excellent advice to “keep the weirdest ones for the sleeves”. I stuck said weird ones in plastic bags to quarantine them so I won’t grab them by mistake.

Have obsessively read all the project notes from other, faster knitters and am now doing some gentle cyber-stalking of comments in KALs. Everyone seems to have to make the armholes wider. I check the pattern photo and realise that Joji has dainty ballerina arms. Mine are sturdy Irish peasant / brick dunny arms so I scribble a reminder to leave lots more space.

Casting on takes ages and reminds me why I don’t crochet. Stupid hook keeps flying off on impromptu tours of the sofa. The recommended video is incredibly helpful, though. I cast on with a straight needle and the dreaded hook and transfer the stitches to my circular.

29.7.14: The short rows look awful. It’s hard to see the wraps when knitting at night with dark yarn, until eventually I get clever and place a marker every time I wrap and turn. I should rip back and start again but the nice thing about knitting for myself is that I give myself permission to leave the wonky stuff in.

3.8.14: Yarn crisis! Not sure what I was thinking when I ordered it but there is nowhere near enough. Perhaps I messed up the conversion from yards to metres? I’m making the henley version as per Lilau’s mods and have knitted much deeper armholes and somehow it’s just soaking up yarn. Annoying that this was the project where I decided to treat myself and order stuff from overseas. The dilemma is: do I order more yarn now, risk running out again and having to pay three lots of international postage, or do I hang on till I have a better idea of what I need and then have to put the project on hold for weeks while the yarn gets here?

9.8.14: This is probably heresy but I don’t want to use Madelinetosh again. The colour variations from skein to skein are too severe and I really can’t be bothered to knit from two skeins at once. It also doesn’t feel very nice while I’m knitting - it’s a bit scratchy, squeaky and splitty (Scratchy, Squeaky and Splitty, three names Disney rejected for the seven dwarves).

16.8.14: I have finished the right front and couldn’t get it to lie flat to measure it until I ironed it into submission. The left front is making things unwieldy - every time I turn at the end of a row, there are cable ends and flaps of fabric flailing about.

17.8.14. I cave in and order stacks more yarn and just plan to have lots left over. Everyone is getting Vintage hats and scarves for Christmas this year …. Knitting slows while I watch the Bledisloe cup. I can’t keep track of my twisted stitches and scream abuse at the ref at the same time.

23.8.14: Very, very bored with purl. When can I join in the round?

24.8.14: Joined all three pieces. Not yet knitting in the round but at least it’s made it more manageable. Counted the stitches to check that they tally with the pattern. Got the right number after three recounts, decided to stop counting. Not keen on this colour - I wanted a more purple background with some flashes of bright blue, but this is reading more like blue with more blue. Apart from anything else, I feel unoriginal if my project looks too much like the pattern.

31.8.14: p….u…r…..l Measuring at the end of every row to see if I can join in the round yet, even though I know the piece hasn’t grown very much.

September: it’s been a dark month. I had a shocking bout of flu and I’m an incredibly cheap date when it comes to pharmaceuticals but I still can’t believe how badly I messed up this jumper while under the influence of Codral and Rikodeine. The armholes were miles too big and I should have joined in the round before the whole thing got down to my knees. I can’t face the thought of ripping back two weeks’ worth of knitting so I stick the whole schemozzle in a project bag and hang it on a door, my equivalent of the knitting naughty corner. It’s going to have a good hard think about its behaviour while I cast on for some Mittens of Distraction.

Still September. Argentina and Australia are battling it out on the rugby field and the Pumas are doing to the Wallabies what this jumper is doing to me. I fear it’s an omen. The Wallabies scrape an unconvincing win. Maybe it IS an omen!

Motivated by sweaty men in boots, I grab the mangled mess out of the project bag and rip away about a sheep’s worth of yarn. I take back some of my nastiness about the Vintage - whatever else you can say about it, it frogs like a dream, which should be the first priority for a knitter like me.

Mid-September and I’m still knitting with ripped-back yarn. It’s a milestone to aim for, that moment when you finish all that curly yarn and get back to using nice fresh wool. Sadly that moment seems a long way away. I’ve finished the distraction mittens and I’m eyeing up legwarmers. This may not be to best way to get this jumper made.

AUGUST 2015
Well, I finished it and I frogged it. Poor old Lipstick, it was never meant to be. I found some gorgeous paua shell buttons in New Zealand and that motivated me to get cracking and finish it, but when I washed it the whole thing grew to laughable proportions. Seriously, I don’t know what happened but it was huge. I’d made the sleeves to be three-quarter length but when I tried it on after it dried, the sleeves were hanging down past my fingertips. As for the length, it looked as if I had made myself a cocktail frock.

It’s a shame because it’s a lovely pattern and the shoulder design is very clever, but I don’t think I will try again. Apart from anything else, the yarn never really worked - I think I need to use it for a very plain jumper because the colour changes are quite dramatic. Hmmm, that Boxy looks nice …